I took a break from my dissertation last Friday night and decided to catch up on some of my series. I was watching single ladies when Raquel made an interesting point about dating vs hooking up, which got me thinking.
“dating has been replaced by the hooking up culture,” April said
Raquel replied with ” you see that’s the problem, that’s exactly what it is, it’s only happening because we women allow it, I mean if you wanna go on a real date, don’t go out with a guy unless he steps it up, let him pick up the phone and make a reservation or Google something that’s interesting to do, its not rocket science.”
single ladies, season 3 Episode 7
This also reminded me of a conversation I had on WhatsApp in a group chat. A girl in the group went on a date, they went to the cinema and in the end, she said she was hungry and he took her to a hot dog stand. The problem here was they had planned it before the day and it was to go watch a movie, eat in a restaurant and maybe have cocktails. To add insult to injury, the next night he messages her that he wants her to come over, it was going to 1am. It was a very interesting talk with the group that day. There’s nothing wrong with going to the cinema, I’m not expecting you to break your bank account just because of a date, however for a first date, the first impression counts. Even if its to cook in your house, that’s still good. It’s about putting time and effort to plan it out, also keeping to your word. But most importantly keep it real! If you can’t afford this restaurant or that shop, say so…don’t feel like you have to pay lip-service which you cannot follow through with. A woman will respect you far more for your openness.
Now back to what Raquel said, and my question is what’s wrong with dating nowadays and when did guys become so lazy???? Also, Ladies stop giving a guy something he hasn’t worked for. You like each other and next thing you two are “hooking up” and goes on for a while, no definition to the relationship and you want more but he doesn’t, leaves you and you are there crying because you allowed yourself to get tied to him sexually, which messes you up emotionally.
Now let me flip this, it is not a must to date, but dating gives you that ground to know each other better and to know whether there is a future with this person. There’s no point getting into a relationship if there is no objective or end goal, and this is what hooking up culture allows. Don’t waste people’s time and string them along. That’s wrong. I was watching the cutest couple on the scene right now, Adanna and David, they were talking about how they met. They were first friends and when they got together they really did not have dates, but the thing is they were friends before so they already had that foundation and the relationship was smoother. ( I looooooove the couple, by the way, check them out on Instagram or youtube: adanna_david)
Before you call yourselves boyfriend and girlfriend, there should be that process of getting to know someone before you know you can give them your heart to take care of. In the words of Maya Angelou, ‘A woman heart must be hidden in God, that to find her man must find God.’ Ladies please do not make assumptions, let things be clear first. Assuming things is such a downer. Also obviously there are people who pretend and paint themselves as perfect, but if you should find yourself in such a relationship where you are crying or unhappy, don’t cheat, pray, talk it out and if that doesn’t work out, please leave. I am a hopeful romantic that there is real love for everyone but you got to be able to stand through all the crap and know your worth. Have your standards to how you want to be treated and stick to them but also remember do you measure up to the standards you set for others. (If you want to be treated like a queen, make sure you are queen worthy, and you are going to treat him like a king). This is for the serious people if you don’t want to be in a committed relationship and still want to “catch your fun” this isn’t for you.