Firstly I want to say thank you to everyone for the love, messages, prayers and presents. I really do appreciate them. If you have watched the video and came to read this thank you. It was not planned for me to be celebrating my birthday at home, I was meant to be in Malta, enjoying the sun on my solo holiday. Since that hasn’t happened, I am making the best of it. My birthday usually gives me anxiety for no reason. It has nothing to do with me getting older because I actually look forward to it, but for some reason, there is always this pit at the bottom of my stomach that makes me very uncomfortable. Usually, it is my friends that convince me to celebrate my day. This year was no different, I booked a solo trip to go away for my birthday. I thought if I were somewhere else I might feel better about my birthday. But that hasn’t happened, so I choose to be excited this year and enter it by thanking God and being grateful for my life so far. While doing that, I was thinking about the last two years, specifically what had happened on or around my birthday.
Before I turned 25 two years ago, I was in the hospital at the end of February/March due to gallstones. Probably the worst pain I have ever been in. I was in the hospital for a day then sent home and a couple of days later I was admitted for about a week, then went back home. After which, I went back to work for a week and then the pain started again meaning I had to go back to the hospital for another week. That week I was waiting for X-rays which took about 3 days to happen. I wasn’t allowed to eat and then later in the day I was told they could not do the X-ray – this happened about 3 times. I eventually had the X-ray and when the result came out, everything was fine. The doctor told me I could go home as they did not have a slot that day for the surgery, and since I already have an appointment in a couple of weeks, I should wait till then for my surgery. Even though I was tired of being in the hospital ( this would be my second surgery in the space of two years) I just knew I should stay so that’s what I told them. I will wait. I prayed after they left that I will have the surgery that day because honestly, I was tired. I got myself prepared by taking a shower, packing my bag. By that afternoon I was taken to the theatre for surgery. The next morning one of the nurses told me that it was good I had surgery that day because if I had waited another 24 hours the situation could have been way worse because my gallbladder could have erupted. She was also surprised as to how a slot opened up because they were busy. This is how God worked things out for me that I am still here today. My health has been something the devil has tried so many times and failed and he will keep failing.
On my 26th birthday, my mum had just finished praying for me and I went back to sleep. I had an attack on my mind. I had thoughts of suicide, telling me to kill myself, I have lived long enough, that I am no longer needed, I won’t be missed, telling me how to kill myself – cutting myself, having a car accident, run myself off the road. I knew these were not my thoughts but the devil, so I started praying for the voice to be quiet and speaking in tongues, speaking God’s word and promises over my life and that’s how I overcame that. Thank God my mind was stronger than whatever that spirit was.
Now coming to this year, it was terrible. Whenever I thought of my birthday last year, fear took over and I would burst out in tears with no idea why I was so afraid. I was definitely not looking forward to the new year, everyone was shouting vision 2020 but I wasn’t excited about the year whatsoever. As the year came to an end and the new year started, my anxiety and worry went through the roof. I was so unsettled in my spirit and mind. I just kept confessing God’s word to me. I prayed as I entered into today that God would give me a word personal to me. The first happy birthday message from a friend came with this bible verse Deut 31:6. I am sure he didn’t know the magnitude of the message he sent to me. Today’s word of today in the bible app is Psalms 53:3 about trusting God even when you are afraid. God gave my Pastor a word for me which is ‘DO NOT BE AFRAID’. Look God cares and it reaffirms my faith that I will overcome this, I am already Victorious. Please what is fear when I have God looking out for me. God has always come through. I may not know the reason for my fear but I am choosing faith over fear.
Hope this blesses someone. You can drop me a prayer for today. Thanks and God bless.
Love and Light xx